When it comes to speaking up and communicating with others what do you generally do? What’s your preference? Do you choose to be silent and say nothing or do you choose to share what’s inside of you that demands to be spoken and revealed? Let’s examine suppressing versus expressing yourself and saying what it is you want to say.
I don’t know about you, but sometimes this is easier said than done. On some occasions communication in relationships (whether personal or business) can be like navigating landmines that are buried underground. If you don’t have a way of successfully detecting them, how do you interact without stepping on a potential hazard and have the interaction blow up in your face?
Is it better to say nothing, suppress your feelings, keep the peace and maintain the status quo? Or do you muster up the courage to be honest, to express what you are feeling, speaking what is truth for you in the moment?
Suppressing what you need to express leads to more suppression and may eventually manifest itself into repression, resentment, rage, helplessness and hopelessness. Being mute and dumbing down your feelings is merely deluding yourself; it is a lie that masks the truth and does not create harmony or maintain equilibrium. On the contrary it creates a human being that is shut down, disconnected and oppressed.
Expressing yourself and speaking the truth is always the best. It may appear to be difficult or involve overcoming conflict, you may need to go out on a limb or fight to be heard and yes, it can be uncomfortable at times. However it gives you the optimal outcome and keeps you aligned with your spirit and aligned in integrity. It keeps you aligned with the Divine, with God. Developing the habit of speaking the truth allows for more divine grace to flow into your life.
How do you do this and avoid the hazards?
1. Ascertain if there is any real threat or danger
If there is any possibility that you are being threatened or are in imminent danger, remove yourself to safety. If you are in a violent argument with someone this is not the time to add oil onto the fire. You need to leave the situation and wait till cooler heads prevail.
If it’s clear there‘s no threat or danger
2. Pay attention and LISTEN
Stop what you are doing and actually really listen to what is being said in your communication with the other person or people. We are often so busy in our own head thinking about an answer, or wanting to be right that we don’t hear what is being communicated both verbally and non verbally. Is there validity to what is being said? Is there something about yourself that you don’t want to see or address that is coming up in the communication? Even if you don’t like what is being said is there merit in the feedback? Is it necessary to respond back immediately or do you have time for honest self-analysis to get clarity on how to respond back and what to say? If you don’t have clarity, wait till you have clarity before you speak.
3. Once you have clarity, say what you need to say
If your emotions are raging – you’re in the throws of negative emotions such as anger, frustration, depression, fear, anxiety etc. then you are being held hostage by your emotional state and the limiting beliefs that go along with them. They are coloring and flavoring what you are seeing and feeling so you actually may not be experiencing clarity. You get to choose whether now is the appropriate time to respond or perhaps wait till you have calmed down. Even if you give yourself 30 – 60 seconds to stop and pause it may be enough time to diffuse the emotions and be able to think with a clear and calm head and express yourself from there. Once you have clarity, speak up and with honesty address what needs to be expressed.
4. Stand your ground & confront what you need to address
Have the conviction and follow through to express what is inside of you and what you need to say. Even if you are fearful about the impact of what you have to say or have no idea about the impact, the truth will always set you free. Truth comes from the Divine and regardless of whether we like the truth or not, each of us recognizes truth when we see it and hear it. Our spirit recognizes truth and there is no denying it. Truth disarms the greatest critic, the greatest doubter and our greatest opponent because like pure unconditional love, it is born from Divine Grace and that which is not dissolves back into Grace.
Like a wave of the ocean that for a moment thinks that it’s separate from the ocean as it flies up into the air and the foam sprays out, there comes a moment that the story and the ego realizes that it can go no further and it disintegrates and dissolves back into the infinite flow of the ocean of Pure Consciousness.
Take time out to reflect on what worked in your communication, what didn’t work, what could be improved upon, then refine what you did and how you did it.
Remember, expressing yourself truthfully and honestly is the goal here.
Were you 100% honest in your communication or did you make up a story i.e. did you lie, manipulate or fabricate the truth? If you made up a story, for what purpose and how could you do it differently next time so that you can be in integrity instead?