Most of us think that what we’re communicating is expressed as the words coming out of our mouth. However nothing could be further from the truth.
Only 7% of what we communicate is based upon our words and the language that we speak. 93% of what we communicate is non-verbal. 38% is the tonality of our voice and a whopping 55% is via our body language.
Yes, that’s right! Our words may be conveying one thing, but our body language will reveal what’s really going on. The body doesn’t lie.
Have you ever been around someone who says that they are “fine” or “doing OK” but when you take a closer look at them, their mouth is tight and contorted, they don’t make eye contact with you, they seem like they’re barely breathing or they sigh, they shrug their shoulders, the color in their face looks drained or pale and their body is hunched over, their chest is collapsed and/or they may have their arms folded across their chest.
Their body is a complete giveaway that they are in fact not doing “fine” at all.
As you’re interacting with others, give yourself the opportunity to pay attention to what is “not” being said rather than simply paying attention to the words that are coming out of their mouth.
What do you observe?
What is their demeanor like? Their posture, the way they stand or sit. Are their arms folded across their chest or do they have an open body stance? When they’re speaking with you do they lean forward in your direction and mirror your body posture and gestures or do they seem to be retracting their body away from you?
Are they sitting still in a relaxed pose or are they squirming, fidgeting or agitated? What kind of facial expressions appear on their face? Are they smiling, do the corner edges of their eyes curl up when they smile, or do they look dull with their eyes non-focused?
What is their breathing like? Is it slow and steady, thin and breathy or perhaps fast and labored?
Do they chat incessantly or is it almost like pulling teeth to get a word out of them? What does their voice sound like? Does it sound balanced and well modulated or is it harsh and shrill or shaking? Do they talk really fast or is it slow and slurred?
What else do you notice about them that’s aside from what they’re saying? What hand movements and gestures are they making? Are their hands open or closed in a tight fist?
Are they covering up parts of their face, their eyes or have multiple layers of clothing on to hide their body?
Are they laughing? Is it a genuine laugh like a deep belly laugh or more like a nervous forced laugh? Do their facial features soften and lighten up when they look at you? Do the pupils in their eyes dilate? Do they appear comfortable and at ease?
The more you pay attention, the more information you get. You will be able to communicate more effectively by paying attention to a person’s 2nd language first i.e. their body. This will give you the cues of how they’re really feeling underneath and by having greater insight you’ll be able to establish greater rapport and improve the way you bond with them.
