When you’re in a relationship, sex is a beautiful and fundamental part of what you share with your partner. It is a way to express pleasure, your feelings, your love, you can share intimacy and create a special bond that brings you and your partner closer together.
Touch is a very potent and important part of who we are as human beings. Through touch we experience being connected, nurtured and loved. Kissing, hugging, touching caressing and making love are all ways to express and share what we are feeling without words. It creates the kinesthetic bond between ourself and our partner as well as creating the “sneha” the glue or “aka threads” that connects us at the level of the emotional heart. In Maharishi Ayurveda it is known as “sadhaka” the emotional heart, which is to do with the fulfillment of desires, the achievement of aspirations. Sexuality and the ensuing sensuality and intimacy all combine to fulfill the desire to be close, connected and at one with our partner. Additionally our connection with our partner and the desire to seek oneness can inspire us at a more profound or spiritual level to deepen our connection to the Divine, the God of our Understanding.
When it comes to our sexual health, the American Sexual Health Association (ASHA) has this definition:
Sexual health is the ability to embrace and enjoy our sexuality throughout our lives. It is an important part of our physical and emotional health. Being sexually healthy means:
- Understanding that sexuality is a natural part of life and involves more than sexual behavior.
- Recognizing and respecting the sexual rights we all share.
- Having access to sexual health information, education, and care.
- Making an effort to prevent unintended pregnancies and STDs and seek care and treatment when needed.
- Being able to experience sexual pleasure, satisfaction, and intimacy when desired.
- Being able to communicate about sexual health with others including sexual partners and healthcare providers.
According to the World Health Organization (WHO) sexual health is as follows:
“Sexual health is a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being in relation to sexuality; it is not merely the absence of disease, dysfunction or infirmity. Sexual health requires a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence. For sexual health to be attained and maintained, the sexual rights of all persons must be respected, protected and fulfilled.”
Sex has been shown to have the following benefits: lower blood pressure, improve heart health, promote better sleep, reduce stress, increase muscle strength, reduce the risk of heart disease, stroke & hypertension, make you look and feel younger, increase happiness and increase libido.
Your body releases the hormone oxytocin also known as the “love” or “intimacy” hormone and endorphins during orgasm. Sex is a healthy bodily function. Our bodies thrive on the chemicals released during orgasm, so a healthy sex life is indeed part of a healthy body.
For women, having an orgasm increases blood flow and the hormones released have a natural pain-relieving effect.
When a relationship is new, sexual attraction with its powerful magnetism and the desire to be sexually active is often at its highest peak. What happens however when life gets in the way? You have children, you work long hours, you have a different work schedule to your partner, having sex becomes physically painful or uncomfortable, you feel depressed, anxious or stressed, you’ve gained weight and no longer feel attractive or beautiful, you have health issues, your libido level drops or you don’t feel the same attraction or ardor as when you first got together.
When life gets in the way and having sex is something that you avoid, is an afterthought or you simply don’t do, how do you get your sexy back? How do you rekindle that spark that was there when you first got together so that you can continue to have a healthy sex life and enjoy the intimacy that goes along with it?
If sex is something that you have put on the back burner, then schedule some time for yourself to pause and review what is currently going on in your life.
Create A Baseline:
Where are you now, what’s the frequency of your sexual activity? Where do you want to be, what is the outcome that you want? Make sure your outcome or goal is realistic and measurable. Set an intention for the outcome you want.
Here are some questions that you can ask yourself:
Are you experiencing any health issues, do you take any medications, if yes what are the side effects of taking them, are you experiencing pain or discomfort during sexual activity, are you getting enough sleep, are you going through stress or experiencing any emotional issues such as depression or anxiety, have there been any major changes in your body, weight gain, are you pregnant, do you have a small baby, children, are you going through menopause, have you gone through any major life changes such as moving where you live, death of a loved one, changing jobs/employment, going through separation or divorce, any other issues you may be experiencing, etc.
If you have any health issues or concerns make sure you speak with your medical doctor, gynecologist or health practitioner to get checked out and discuss the issues that you are experiencing.
Often a simple discussion can pinpoint the cause of what is going and then you can source an effective solution. For example women can go through phases in their life where sex is painful and this can be due to stress or changes in hormones that leads to vaginal dryness or due to aging there can be a thinning or atrophy of the vaginal tissue.
There are plenty of different options available for women that you can discuss with your doctor to find effective relief from this situation so that you can go back to enjoying your sex life and having it be pain free.
One you have answered all your preliminary questions create a plan of action for yourself.
Plan Of Action:
Go through all your answers to your preliminary questions and come up with a plan of action to address or solve them. E.g.
If you have any health issues, schedule an appointment with your doctor or healthcare practitioner to go over your health issues with them and get solutions.
If you haven’t been able to get a good night sleep in a while due to having a baby, or having small children, do you have a family member or close friend or babysitter that can step in and help you so you can get some extra rest? If that is not possible what can you do to change your schedule so that you can rest while your baby is sleeping so that you can get some rest during the daytime as well as during the night?
If you and your partner have not been intimate for a while, schedule a weekend getaway where the 2 of you can spend quality time together and have the time to connect, spend time giving each other loving touch, massage, be intimate etc.
If you’re body has changed and you have gained weight and you don’t feel as attractive or as self confident as before, take heart and take action. Change to a healthier diet and lifestyle by eating good quality nutritious food, doing some exercise and/or get a trainer to help you get back into shape. Focus on what you do love about yourself and how you look and by doing this you’ll look and feel great and have the confidence and desire to be sexually active again.
If you find that you are not as interested in sex as much as you used to be due to the fact that you and your partner seem to be estranged and don’t touch each other as much as you used to, find an activity or activities that you can do together to help bring the spark back. Do a massage class together, do a Tantra class together or a class that focuses on loving intimate touch for couples. Do dance classes together where movement and touch are involved such as ballroom dancing, tango etc. Go get a couple’s massage, take a hot tub together, go on date nights together or schedule quality time for the 2 of you where you focus on bringing back intimacy by giving each other pleasure. You get to be creative and as pleasure is something that we experience through all of our 5 senses, you can come up with multiple ways of bringing pleasure to each other through the sense of sight, hearing, touch, taste and smell. Be willing to try new activities, experiences and also check in with your partner to see what they’d like to do and include some of their suggestions.
Life Force Energy and the Trivedi Effect have been shown to deepen and enhance relationships as well as improve overall quality of life, health & wellness, anti-aging, reduce inflammation & stress, boost immunity and improve hormonal balance and sexual health.
The transmission of “Life Force Energy” is a natural phenomenon that opens a direct connection to the source of all creation, allowing its inherently intelligent energy to flow to us. Through these Divine Energy Blessings we receive the gifts of health, vitality, wellbeing, happiness, more fulfilling and loving relationships as well as the fortitude, greater insight and clarity to steer us through life’s challenges.
Participating in a Life Force Energy Program and receiving these Divine Energy Blessings can be incorporated as part of your action plan. To learn more go to: www.dezikoster.com/health-wellness and www.dezikoster.com/programs
Once you have completed your plan of action you need to set a date by when you will execute each component/step of your plan and take action on them.
Execute Your Plan Of Action:
Schedule a time for each step or component of your plan. Make sure that you follow through so that you complete each step. For some things you may need weeks or months to complete certain steps. E.g. if you want to lose 50 – 100 pounds and get in shape that is going to take several months, so plan out you course of action in 1 month blocks.
Once you have commenced taking action review your outcomes each week and each month and make any adjustments where necessary.
Review & Course Correct:
Once you have completed each step or component of your action plan review the outcome. Did it move you towards your ultimate goal or away from it? If it is giving you the desired result then keep going. If it is not giving you the desired result then make any adjustments or course corrections necessary. If it had a negative effect you can simply choose to stop that particular action and do something else in its place or remove it all together.
Continue & Repeat:
Continue taking action and reviewing your results until you have achieved the outcome you desire. Once you have you sex life back to where you want it to be, keep on going with practices and activities that you and your partner enjoy doing together and continue to discover new things that you can share. This will help to keep your relationship fresh and renew the passion, intimacy and pleasure that you have with each other.
This blog contains general information about health conditions and treatments. The information should not be treated as advice and is provided without any representations or warranties express or implied. The author does not warrant or represent that the health related information is complete, true, accurate, up to date or non-misleading. You must not rely on the information from this blog as an alternative to medical advice from your doctor or other professional healthcare provider. If you have any specific questions about any medical matter, you should consult your doctor or other professional healthcare provider. If you think you may be suffering from any medical condition, you should seek immediate medical attention. You should never delay seeking medical advice, disregard medical advice or discontinue medical treatment because of information contained in this blog.