Have you ever had an experience where things were going great, you were feeling on top of the world, on top of your game, then someone did something or said something and then your mood and your day took a turn for the worse?
You suddenly became stressed out or blamed yourself or thought it was the other person’s fault and now your day just seemed to unravel.
Consciously and unconsciously we have beliefs running 24/7 that tell us how things are. They give us definitions, meaning and orientate us about how the world around us is, so that we can navigate what we ‘think’ is going on. We then need to compensate or cope with the conditions that must be fulfilled according to our beliefs.
The thing is, our beliefs aren’t real. We make them up to give us a meaning about what we are experiencing.
Here’s an example. You are driving along the freeway and all of a sudden someone cuts in front of you without indicating, causing you to slam on the brakes so that you don’t run into the back of them.
How you react to this scenario depends upon your beliefs.
If you believe that the driver doesn’t ‘respect’ you, and it’s like you have no worth or value, then you may feel angry and yell at the driver.
If you believe that the driver is careless and a danger to everyone else on the road including you, then you may feel scared and unsafe and move into another lane.
If you believe that the driver had a medical emergency and needs to get to a hospital quickly, then you may feel compassion for them and slow down so that you are not in their way.
The truth is, we don’t know what’s going on. It doesn’t matter what we perceive it as, it doesn’t mean anything unless we make it mean something.
It’s so very easy for us to take things personally. Someone cuts us off on the freeway. Someone looks at us oddly or makes a strange comment about us or those who are our nearest and dearest. The weather outside is stormy and grey instead of clear blue skies.
Whatever it is, our mood and emotions can change in an instant because we make things mean something. Furthermore, our behavior will then follow our beliefs and emotions.
We may choose to react, instead of simply responding to the needs of the moment in any situation with the fullness of our being and intuitively knowing what is highest and best.
The key to not getting caught up in the trap of taking things personally, is to take a pause when a situation arises and ask yourself, “What am I making this mean?”
When you are able to acknowledge that you have a belief and it is defining how you are perceiving what’s happening around you, then you’re able to view what’s going on without any meaning attached to it.
If we use the example of the driver cutting in front of you on the freeway again, notice what happens when we take the meaning away.
The situation is purely this: A person is driving on the freeway in the lane next to you and they then move into the lane that you are driving in and position their car in front of you.
These are the facts of the situation and they don’t mean anything. You are driving and they are driving. The sky outside is grey or it’s blue. It doesn’t matter what it is, it doesn’t mean anything.
When you are able to take the meaning out, then you’re no longer bound to react to what you believe is going on. You no longer have to take things personally.
The charge of the emotion no longer gets triggered. You can then choose, to respond to what’s going on by observing what’s obvious.
Next time you find yourself taking things personally, try this on as an experiment. Ask yourself what meaning are you giving to the situation, what belief are you running? Notice what comes to you.
Next, just acknowledge that it is there and allow the belief to be there.
Then ask yourself, “What would I love?” Notice what comes to you, when you focus your attention on what you love.
Finally, choose what you’d love and follow up with any obvious action that comes to you as a result of choosing what you love.
When you don’t take it personally, you are empowered to create more things that are aligned with what you love.
Now who doesn’t want more of that!
