Ah relationships! When they work life is wonderful, when they don’t it can make things seem miserable.
So what’s the secret to navigating the complexities of 2 human beings that collide together via destiny, chemistry, the auspices of love at first sight, kismet, sexual attraction or whatever you want to call it, who want to create an amazing life together and live happily ever after?
Can it be just that simple? Is happily ever after something that you can enjoy each day and for the rest of your life or is it just a pipe dream of illusion?
Being an eternal optimist I definitely wanted to believe that it was all indeed possible. Through life experience I learned that even with the best intentions from both sides some relationships were doomed to fail.
But take heart! That does not mean all relationships are doomed to fail. Just the ones that are not meant for you. When you do have the relationship that is meant for you, it truly is a dream!
The beauty of relationships, if we are paying attention and willing to learn from them is that they are an incubator to help us grow and evolve. We get the opportunity to let go of our lifelong baggage, beliefs, evidence and other garbage thoughts & ideas that we have accumulated along our life’s journey. They also help us to develop finer qualities of love, caring, giving, honesty, sacrifice, sharing, compassion, vulnerability etc. We get to co-create a life that is built on the dreams, aspirations and vision of 2 people that choose to come together as one divine union, complementing each other in their co-existence.
For some, the incubator gets too hot to handle, it becomes like a simmering cauldron that constantly triggers painful experiences & memories that eventually overcomes whatever initially drew the happy couple together and they drown in their story, the overwhelm and the needing to be right and they abandon the relationship. Sound familiar? Nearly 50% of all marriages here in the US end in divorce.
What’s the key to not ending up on the road to becoming a statistic?
It starts with loving and caring for yourself first and feeding your spirit with the Divine, being grateful and thankful for all the gifts and blessings in life you have been given, even the tough life lessons are a blessing! Be grateful for those as well.
Work on yourself constantly and do a daily review of what you have achieved each day so you can continue to improve who you are as a person and enhance your best qualities, characteristics, skillsets, talents and gifts.
Always ask yourself lofty questions rather than focusing on the negative side of what’s not working for you or your relationships. E.g. what do I need to do/what would it take to achieve _____?
How can we work together to make our relationship even more amazing than it is now?
Use the KISS Principle: Keep it simple, sweetheart! Life is not meant to be so complicated. If you are feeling stuck, overwhelmed or things seem over complicated, stop what you are doing and take a break. Ask yourself a question, what else can be done, how else can I do this, how else can we do this and wait for the answer to come. I guarantee a simple and perfect solution is waiting for you.
Be honest and truthful. Be honest with yourself and others. That way you know immediately if something and someone is right for you or not. If someone is not a good fit for you, be honest enough to admit it and move on. If a situation or something else comes up that doesn’t feel good or right for you, be honest and share what’s going on. Don’t hide it. Let your partner know. Don’t just attempt to squash your feelings or brush it under the rug as if it doesn’t matter. When you share openly and honestly you get to express your perception and feelings so your partner can appreciate what is going on. That way you can both respond to the needs of the situation as they happen rather than react to the situation or react later as more tension builds up over time.
Be loving and caring – genuinely caring, not just what you think your version of caring is. Do special things or go out of your way to support each other, so that when things get tough, that caring goes a really long way.
Touch is something that is really important for us as human beings. Being touched and hugged reduces stress. It reduces the release of stress hormones, increases the release of serotonin and oxytocin, which help us to feel happy, relaxed, productive, loved etc. Always be generous and loving with your touch. It also supports a healthy sexual relationship and having a happy healthy sexual relationship keeps you youthful, fills you with vitality, it gives you that special glow and continues to develop that deep and loving bond you have with your partner.
Spend quality time with your partner and schedule date nights and weekends away where you can enjoy each other’s company, be creative, surprise each other and keep the spark in the relationship.
Be 100% committed to your relationship and your partner and stand in 100% integrity. That way both of you know that each other is reliable and will be there for each other no matter what.
Be willing to have an open mind and an open view. Just because you always do it your way, or have a specific perspective, take the time to see, hear, listen and feel what your partner wants to share with you. Yes it may be outside your comfort zone, however it may surprise you and you might even like what they bring to you! A fresh new look or approach might be the very thing you need. Don’t be married to having to be or do things a certain way. Having flexibility of behavior is the spice of life.
Let go of needing to be right. Be willing to make mistakes and admit your mistakes. Learn from them and make better choices next time so you don’t keep repeating the same thing over and over again.
Be playful and creative. Do fun things together. Laugh often!
Keep fit and healthy together, go for walks or a run together, do dance classes together or martial arts so that you both stay physically active and stay in great physical shape.
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Spend time doing things that you love and are passionate about, either together if it’s a shared interest or do them separately and share them later when you cuddle up on the couch together or are sharing a meal.
Be your partner’s greatest well wisher. Cheer them onto success, to excellence, believe in them, even during the times they may have lost belief in themselves and keep encouraging them till they achieve their dreams and vision.
Do all of these things and you’ll have an awesome relationship that will give you the happily ever after for life!